Under the rib cage walls ~
Under and behind these ribs cage walls
Lies something that will never grow old
So good, it should be in an exhibition hall
There lies, a heart made of love and gold
Go through the bone walls like a ghost
Sail in the vein path with a boat
Go up a few stairs, and get to the door
The door leading to the golden heart
Knock on there twice and ring the bell
Hop on in, and boom bang you are in my heart
Made entirely of gold, but painted with my blood
There is not a single crack in the walls, not any seen
The host, is analyzing every move you make
You are watching the walls, seeing no cracks
Walking around, observing the footsteps
Hoping with your own heart, to make it here
Now, the crucial moment comes
Later Poems 2::
on the concrete wall. Sparks spray back, blades gleam and narrow a rib-cage of joists, I knelt down and peered into the dark: dust and rubble everywhere
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Breaking The Ivory Spirit My Reality (poem) by Erica Ivory on ::
I awoke to find myself in a constricted, heavy, off white body cast from below my rib cage to underneath my lower lip. The cast had metal clasps in the
http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewpoetry.asp?AuthorID=11904&id=57831HOME |
There is a wet cement path through the floor
You are placed in one end of it, anxiously waiting
The host comes into the room, about to announce
You did not let him talk you started walking
Knowing every step was crucial, taking them slowly
When you reach the end, the host has its mouth open
You wanted to walk in my heart, even if not allowed
After your unexpected move, you were kicked out
Left alone in the complete darkness of my thorax
Truth is, your steps were taken to a special room
But, in the same room, lies the biggest crack
my 8th poem, i am just 14. tell me what you think? what do you understand from it?
it is good. and you're just 14.
i don't even know how to write good poems even though it was thought at school. XD
Well, at first you started out rhyming, but then you moved into a random and obscured scheme of just story-telling. I would assume the basis of the poem is around how you always have good intentions and try to never do any wrong, right? Well, it seems at the end that you're going on to explain that someone wanted to try and get you to fall in love with them, but turned out to be a fake, so in a sense you outcast them from your life?
You're pretty good for a 14-year-old, I think in a couple years you'd be really good. I actually started when I was 10, lol.
wow, your deep :)
its really good,
just you need to make
the end flow a little more :)
wow that's really good!
I'm not sure exactly what the meaning of it is- because I'm not very good at comprehending that kind of stuff- but i know it was something about love.
it is really well written and complex
good job :)
it didnt flow right when i was reading although there are sections that i liked. but im no expert, sure other people on here would be more qualified to give you advice on how to improve
thats pretty good! you should go on a website called,
furaffinity.net. you can post your poems on there
and read other peoples poems. and some people will
comment on your poems. if you watch other peoples
pages then i guess they will watch yours.
i never go on there. my friend does. i'm not really good
at doing that stuff, so heres his link: (he has weird poems...)
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/rustwolf...
XD
thanks dude 4 answering my question but damn!yours was so much better than mine.each line was so detailed.i loved how you put so much in it.could you give me tips and i'll work on those 4 other lines.by da way im 14 2
wow that was very good!!! and i like the rhyming!
btw thanks for responding to my poem! :)
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Under the rib cage walls? poem?