Karina M NDE 3184::
When coming back I could hear my ex-husbands voice as if he was yelling from My baby will be okay (unquestionably). My parents will be okay if I die.
http://www.nderf.org/karina_m_nde.htmHOME |
My husband cheated on me and we are in the process of a divorce. He wants to be in the delivery room when the baby is born but I really just want my mom there- not sure if I want him to be in there with me. He said he's her dad and wants to see her being born and cut the umbilical cord. What should I do?
Can't you have both?
I did... my mom and my ex were there during labor..
I get his point of view, but.. I get yours
If you're only allowed one person, you should pick someone who will support you through the labor, will help you, will be there for YOU... because you're going to be the one in pain! If he's only going to make you upset, I'd say no. Some people will say "it's his child, he should be allowed, blablabla"... but truth is, if you're upset, it won't help with the delivery... I know my ex's presence didn't help at all...!!!
He certainly doesn't deserve it. I know, I know, parental rights blah blah blah, but giving birth is a trying process and I can imagine having someone like him in the room is going to make it harder.
If you feel like it's the right thing to do, then let him. But I feel badly for you - you get stuck with all the hard work and heartache and he just shows up and gets the few minutes of glory just by being present.
There's no right answer - let your mother decide.
No, I don't feel like he deserves that right and privilege. If he's pleading the case of being the child's father then he should've thought of that when he was sleeping with the woman he cheated on you BOTH with. He could've had the chance to be a real father to her, to really be in her life and be able to see her everyday and still be in your life and rejoice in having a happy family, but he screwed that up when he couldn't keep his d*ck in his pants. Screw privileges, he had the chance to have that privilege and he screwed that up. It's up to the courts or you to decide visitation, but I would just enjoy the day with my mom and let her cut the cord of her granddaughter and hold her for the first time because she deserves that, he doesn't.
But it's really all about you and who you want there to help and support you. If seeing him will upset you, then do let him ruin your day. Do what's best for you.
i think he should be in there.he is the baby's dad even if he is a cheater.seeing his child born will mean alot to him.but does not mean y'all have to be together.
That is a very difficult question. Originally I was going to say "He's the father, of course he should share this moment" but the more I thought about it, the more I realized what this means for you.
Rants about Ex-Wives, Ex-Husbands, Ex-Girlfriends, Relationship Rants ::
Men are babies. Ok, Im usually a very patient girl until my husband starts to sulk! it, I doubt you would want to accept that you were just simply being a baby.
http://exrants.com/720/Men_are_babies.htmlHOME |
YOU are the one who has to experience all the pain, anguish, and discomfort that comes with childbirth. Having someone in the room who you don't like or can't get along with because they betrayed you would probably just add stress to your already stressful situation.
My answer: I would say to him "You should have thought about that before you cheated on me then, shouldn't you? I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable being around you right now, and I will be in enough pain and stress that day without you in the room. I'm sorry. You're welcome to come into the room immediately following the birth to hold your son/daughter."
That being said, just a pointer -- most hospitals now allow more than one person to be in the room while the baby is being delivered. Your mother AND your ex may be able to attend the delivery. Ask the hospital about their policy.
Good luck.
He will have plenty of time to be there for the baby. If you think that there is anyway that he will upset you then tell him no. You need support at this time. And he couldn't support you then why does he need to be there while YOU give birth.
Yes be glad that he even care that your pregnant and wants to be there for his child most men want
You are divorced, let your mum hold your hand. Its the price he has to pay for being an asshole, he deserves nothing and your baby will be living with you so you call the shots.
Good luck.
He is the father.
screw that. he cheated on you and made things very different. it is your body. you dont have to let him do anything. he should have thought about this before
If you don't want him there just tell him you understand but it would make you uneasy and could make the delivery more difficult for you. Hopefully you can pull it off in a passive manner for many reasons. He will always be the baby's father and could be of significant help in the future. Better for the child. You may eventually be back together.
I have mixed emotions on this, first I do not feel he needs to be there because he cheated on you and his baby, so why let the a**hole experience the joy of birth. On the other hand, it is such a blessed event, that I regret the fact that he screwed up, or actually screwed someone else, and misses this event. The final decision is yours, but at least you will have your mother present and if you want you could have her take some pictures of the birth and put then in his divorce packet. Good luck and congratulations on the birth of your baby.
He should have thought about that back at the time marriage is a big deal he didn't obviously take yours seriously. So no if you only want your mother in there then he can wait out in the waiting room.
Pregnant and Envious of His Thin Ex::
Recently, my husband and I went out to dinner and ran into his ex-girlfriend. This man is your husband, not hers, and youre the one having his baby.
http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-life/emotions/pregnant-and-envious-of-his-thin-ex/HOME |
if he truly apologizes -yes
if he doesn't - then no
Tell him no. My dad didn't want to be in the delivery room when I was born. He wanted to be with his girlfriend.
allow him dear............... afterall he also have some sentiments for child he is father let him to have a experience
Trust me, times get pretty tough in the delivery room! You really only want people you trust there, not people who have shattered you! The only thing I can suggest is a compromise. You do all the labour stuff with mum, and most of delivery, he gets called in to cut the cord. BUT only if you are completely comfortable with it. So, make mum adjudicator.... she tells him yay or nay based on how you are at the time. You call all the shots and he respects them. You are the one doing all the work in this situation. Many will say keep him away, but there is a chance that once the baby pops out you will want daddy there regardless of the past, not as a husband, but as a father. Dear Gabbys New Letters::
50 Dating sisters ex husband causing upsets in family / Did I unconsciously 70 Should I let son play with mischief-maker?
http://www.comcom121.org/gabby/newlets/index.htmHOME |
Baby Phat Footwear | Zappos.com::
Zappos.com - baby phat footwear. The premiere destination for online shoes, plus baby phat clothing, accessories and more. Free Shipping all shoes, including baby
http://www.zappos.com/n/br/b/849.htmlHOME |
Ultimately he is the father but that a decision only you can make.
I guess if the answer ends up being no...then he might have wanted to think about the consequences prior to taking his pants off for another women. I hope she was worth losing his wife and baby for!
This decision has to be one that you are comfortable with...
honestly its all up to you. i would let him. stand in the corner so he couldn't see anything and after she is born he could cut the cord and see her but i don't know that would be hard. i think that's what i would do
This is your time you need to do what is best for you. Noone can tell you that at this point in your life. Follow what you gut is telling you and dont let anyone sway you from that. If you want your mom there then it is your right to have your mother there for you when you need her the most. After all she gave birth to you. If you want him there than have him there. If you dont then dont. This is your day with your baby. Please do for you at this time, not anyone else.
Congrats on the baby I am sure she is perfect in everyway
He should be there if he wants you will expect him to pay for delivery and child support won't you? if you don't let him be there he shouldn't have to pay you a dime.
i would let him. it's all about the baby right now. push yoru feeling aside. you're sharing this baby w/ this man for the rest of your life. make it easier for your child and let him in be a part of your baby's life.
It depends on if you want him to be a part of your child's life.
Cheating is a big deal breaker, and I understand how valid your feelings for not being there are.
The trust was broken at a very precious and fragile moment.
If you have time, think about it and decide what would be best for yourself and your baby.
He will cry when he sees his child born and if he isn't sorry now, he will be when he sees that baby come out.
Maybe he will be more careful in the future and maybe he just might be capable of acting right from now on.
You have to decide that for yourself.
When you are having the baby you will be under a lot of stress, and need to be relaxed. Too much stress, like thinking of your divorce, and him cheating, will make it much worse. If you aren't comfortable with him there, tell him, and tell your doctor and nurses, so they will keep him out. Tell him he can wait in the waiting room, and he can see her as soon as she's ready to be seen. He gave up the right when he cheated and left. If you choose to allow him in, you can still have your mother there.
In my opinion, the delivery is all about you - helping you, supporting you, and cheering you on. If he is not going to be there to help you through it, there is no point in him being there at all. A compromise might be that he can wait in the waiting room and see the baby after she's born. He is her dad, but you need help and support during the birth - not stress.
However, if he will help you and support you - there's no reason why you can't have both your mom and your soon-to-be-ex. Most delivery rooms allow 2 people.
Ultimately - it's your choice. You're the one who will be doing all the work - so you decide what's best for you.
It depends on whether you are thinking about you or the baby. If you're thinking only about you, then probably not. Who would want to see the face of someone who once loved and then proceeded to cheat on you? However, he will be involved in your life forever since he is the father one your child. Whatever happened between you, you still have to think about how your daugther is going to feel. Why shouldn't she start off her life with both her parents there? Whatever he did to you should not spill over on how close he should be allowed to his daughter. That is a very important relationship and to have it denied out the gate is unfair. Just something to think about....
In this case, YOU are the patient and you have the right to say who has access to you. If you don't want him there, inform him, inform your doctor (and the Dr. on call, just in case) and inform the check in or Nurses station...they won't let him through...they won't even allow him in AFTER the birth till you ok it!
Toss a coin. Best of three.
That's too hard for me to say.
He seems very presumptuous to think its his given right. Maybe if he generally acted a little more humble.
You should probably let him, he is the father.
Have a good long think. you may want to speak with him first.
Its pretty obvious he was required for only one thing.
And if you can't come to terms with this simple 'problem' (if you can even call it that) then lady.....you are none too swift.
I know what he did was out of line and wrong but if he is making an effort to be in that babys life give him that opportunity .
You may not think he deserves that joy , but in the end your baby girl will be greatful that you allowed him the opportunity to be there .
Babies have a way of peicing things together at times ! maybe she will want him in her life and if she chooses not to than at least she made that choice . GOOD LUCK ! I hope that I helped .
 How do I get my husband to stop making me feel guilty?
 How do I file for annulment if the marriage has past 12 years?
|
Should I let my ex husband/ baby's dad be in the delivery room?