Its long so bere with me here. It takes place over periods of time (though it may not seem like it) and ends in another raining day.
The lightening strikes
she falls to the ground.
Another fight lost,
a new enemy found.
The rain falls,
her blood is spilling,
she gets up,
and wipers her mouth.
Is she alright?
She is a fighter,
and stronger than you will know,
she'll take a hit,
she'll take a blow.
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Each day she grows stronger,
planning her revenge.
But first she wants to feel the pain,
she'll deliver to her ex friends.
She is the quiet one,
the shy one,
Some may see her for what she is,
others will only see her mask.
A guy finds her,
and turns her life around.
He brought her out of hideing
and stopped all the fighting
But one day he left,
and left her broken hearted.
He wanted anotehr girl,
to stun with his kindness and beauty.
And from her he parted.
Now she sits,
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I I've found some cute, stoney little poems & stuff googling on line. . "I'm gonna give you two wishes. What will the first one be? Please rate my photo's & get me high!! xoxo. 2 comments » · Roll, roll ur Roll roll roll ur blunt twist it at the end, light light take a puff and smoke it til the end.
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alone and confused.
Brokenhearted and sad,
in her thoughts she mused,
"Why did he leave me?
What did I do?
Did I do something wrong?
Or is it my past,
he could not accept."
So she layed down and wept.
Her ex friends saw her,
and decided to tease.
They saw her in pain,
and even in pounding rain,
decided to hurt her.
They thought it would be easy,
hitting a sad girl.
The girl found back,
and her ex friends were amazed!
They felt her fury,
the felt her rage!
She angry and sad,
still over the lad,
who had broken her heart,
and from her did part.
She found him after beating her ex friends,
he with with another girl.
One of her old friends.
A flash of pain,
a flash of rage,
for hurting her,
for playing with her heart.
She hit him,
she kicked him,
till he could take it no more.
He passed out,
and she walked out the door.
She had done what needed to be done,
That was all she could do.
Rate 1-10 ten being best.
I'm thirteen years old. Though I never have had my heart broken, I wrote this.
7/10
it's rle in consistant by way of rythm and ryming
have all alternate rhyme,
all couplets
or have
rhyme
no rhyme
rhyme
no rhyme
in alternate stanzas
you need to touch up on spelling and grammar
but other than that its very good
well done
xxx
Not bad for your age, although you might be a sad person inside, sounds like. Now, try a happy one. I bet you like it better.
I wouldd give this 910, keep writing. this was good, and your only 13.
Constructively, it is more like a short story in poetic prose, than a poem.
Not bad worsmithing but needs to be condensed or subdivided like an ode.
On a scale of 1-10 for poetry? 3
Same scale for basic writing? 6
 Challenging Books For A 14 Year Old?
 First guitar : acoustic or electric?
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Can you rate my poem 1 - 10 and give me ur comments?