Help, my husband and I are falling apart? - Away To Me: Falling apart - hznm.com

HZNM.COM
welcome to my space

Help, my husband and I are falling apart?

Help, my husband and I are falling apart?
Published by: jack 2010-03-18

Welcome to:hznm.com

My husband and will have beenm arried for year on the 27th of October, and I feel like we are falling to peices.we work the same shift we see ach other every night for severl hours befor he goes to bed. I come home and make dinner, I listen to him rant about work, I sympithis. I try to engage him in conversation but all he wants to do is play video games. hes 33 and I am 28, we get along well, but its less lovers well and more friends well. we havent had sex in six months, because he shoots me down. I havent gained weight, I didnt change how I dress, I still shave my legs and I dont know what to do.

Maybe you should suggest that you guys spend more time together. Do you have any children? Go out to dinner or the movies. Tell him how you feel because if you do not communicate with him he will not have a clue. He could just be really tired from work or stressed out. Good Luck!

It's not you, really. It's just not as exciting anymore. You've got to get over the fact that marriage isn't dating. It's not going to be as dramatic all the time. And he needs to get over himself, and devote more time to your needs.

i am sorry that your marriage has turned so sour so quick. I think that is very strange that you havent had sex in 6 months. I know that my parents do it more than once a year and they are much older than you. I think that you need to get some professional help or call a quits. There isnt going to be a happy future for you if you keep living like this. You are still young enough to have a great life with someone else. Ask him why he doesnt want to have sex with you anymore. Hopefully he isnt getting it from some one else

Sit your man down.Have a SERIOUS talk with him about whats botherng you.Let him know what your feeling and that you need his help.

Away To Me: Falling apart::
I'm falling apart. I have a few good moments, an hour here or there where I think but it's impossible between the 3 kids and the heat to help her. I know my husband's income is good and that it will get better.
http://away2me.typepad.com/away_to_me/2009/06/falling-apart.htmlHOME

He may be totally oblivious to whats going on.

Both of you need to go to marital counseling so you can talk this out with a third party who can advise you how to resolve this. Most differences or issues can be resolved by talking about them and it is better to be in a professional environment to do so.

It's not worth living like this for the rest of your life. You need to let him know that you have desires and feelings and that he needs to contribute to this marriage or you both need to go your separate ways. I would not tolerate living with a person who soul attention go's to some video game. You have to be important in his life more than that game. I don't know what his priorities are in life, but he needs to make some changes or risk losing you. Stand up for yourself and find out what the real problem is and what he's willing to do about it.

Men and women speak different languages. Secondly there is nothing wrong with you so stop with the self loathing. Clearly your hubby is a big baby. He needs to grow a pair and make changes in his life which he is not willing to make. You catering for his every need is what is causing the problem. Be independent, go out and do you! Don't baby him...unless it is a baby you want.

Success Stories : Marriage was falling apart::
You may recall I was having a terrible time with my husband staying out after work and drinking. Our marriage was falling apart because I felt he didn't
http://www.lightyourfire.com/marriage-counseling-blog/success-stories/marriage-was-falling-apart.htmHOME

http://www.reunitelove.com

Girl I know exactly how you feel. Almost 2 years for me and I feel that way a lot.

I think what it is... it's a time in marriage where you get too comfortable with each other and lack the "spark" that made you too so crazy for each other.

Maybe you should try to take him out on a date or something. Do something out there that he would never expect.

Oh and if he tells you no next time you try to have sex.... just make him have sex with you... he's your husband so it wouldn't really be raping him, but kind of like it =) I've done it, and it usually seems to work.

Now if you do that and he really forces you off of him... then there's more of a problem. Then he would be like my ex who I finally left b/c video games were more important than me.

GOOD LUCK!!

google: good relationships
and learn how to make a good onel

tell him to put out or he is out!!!

Start going out with your girl friends on the weekend guarantee it will get him thinking he could loss you to another man and that's what you want him to think.

bring out the naughty

Need to set dates.
Put your calendar on the kitchen table and plan a movie weekend. Plan a dinner out.
Plan a time you go to the bar and he picks you up.
You need adventure.
Tell him he can play a different video game... and draw a joystick on your hind end....... he will laugh...

It sounds like something psychological is going on. What happened six months ago in his life--or in your life-- that he is not wanting to talk about? My first impression was that he may have suffered some kind of shock--like coming back form overseas in the military or something--(If this is the case--then it might take longer--Post traumatic stress disorder--from seeing others killed or from killing--or from experiencing any kind of a shock is serious--if he has experienced anything traumatic, I would give him time and space and be very patient with him) If he is suffering from any kind of grief or loss, he might also be withdrawing. The sexual drive--the libido--is not just about Sex--it is about Desire for Life--for living and for living life to the fullest--If he has suffered some kind of loss or is depressed, then his desire to enjoy and pursue a happy life in general will have been compromised--in this case--keep helping him and therapy really is an important part--Be patient...

Maybe you are also around each other TOO much--and he may be feeling pressure--performance anxiety--I would suggest NOT focusing on the sex issue and just being together--TV/movies can be okay--but they have become a serious form of escapism in our society--so he might just automatically tune out or be imagining that he is expected to perform after your date.

Do something very low key--hang out in nature--go for long walks without any expectation of anything happening.

If he is watching video games this could also be harmful depending on what games those are--they really make people zone out and sometimes lose touch with other people and social scenarios. Turn off the tv and have a no screen time (computer/tv/video/dvd) a couple of times a week and see what happens. All of his attention seems to be going into the games or into avoiding some other issues--so take away the games--suggest it to him or you suggest it to his therapist--and see if he is able to spend time with you.

And yes--meds really can affect a person's sex drive...so don't focus on the sex--focus on letting him be himself without needing to FIX him--give him a chance to return to his normal self again.

I know it seems elementary, but have you tried open honest communication with him? In the hectic world of today, its easy to let other stuff come in between. Marriage is work. Try sitting down with him and telling him how you feel. Remember, sometimes men need women to be very direct and spell things out for them. He may not have a clue that anything is wrong. Before you sit down with him think of some ways you to can bond so you have some suggestions to bring to the discussion.

Maybe you could set up a weekly date night. Get a little dolled up and go someplace. It doesn't have to be any place fancy, just out for dinner and a movie. Or set aside one night a week as a "no tv, no video game" night. You say you haven't changed in a year, that's good but maybe a small change here and there can spice things up.

sounds like the problem isnt with you..he has a problem with himself. u havent changed anything..and he has..so sit down and talk to him..openly and honestly and tell him how you feel..and ask him why he treats you that way

two points:

1. if he's in therapy and on meds like xanax or other antidepressants, it affects erections and ejaculation. there's nothing really you can do about it. viagra helps but not with ejaculation, only with erection.

2. try this: have him masturbate or somehow orgasm every day for 2 weeks. conventional wisdom implies that men want sex more the less they have it, but i think it's the opposite: the more they do it, the more they want it.